Mr. Frumovitz' Newsletter
April 1, 2020
Dear Solana Santa Fe Families,
Once again, I hope this letter finds you and your family safe and healthy. Last week I shared strategies for creating some routine and a daily schedule during the school closure. I hope that these resources were helpful in establishing some normalcy in your home during these very unusual times.
I hope that the first week of Distance Learning was successful for your child. I understand there have been challenges for some of you as we embark on this new type of instruction. As you can imagine, this is new for all of us. When we add the additional stresses of parents working from home, managing social emotional issues of family members, and the uncertainty of the future, I understand that you may be experiencing resistance from your child and some unusual behaviors.
First, I want to give yourself and your child grace. With anything new, there are hiccups and barriers. It is when we get through the difficult times, that we build resilience and confidence.
Today, I would like to equip you with some strategies that may help you when your child is not motivated to complete activities/assignments. It is important to recognize that a child will sometimes choose these behaviors because they have learned that we, as the adults, will “take on” the problem for the child, thus, allowing the child to relinquish ownership of the situation. If the adult relieves the child of their problem and solves it for the child enough times, the child learns that (a) I don’t have to solve my own problems and (b) my parents don’t think I can solve my own problems. In education, we call this “learned helplessness.”
In the classroom, we often use strategies from the Love and Logic Institute to help with situations like this. The Love and Logic Institute is dedicated to making parenting and teaching fun and rewarding, instead of stressful and chaotic. Love and Logic provides practical tools and techniques that help adults achieve respectful, healthy relationships with their children. For more information about Love and Logic, visit https://www.loveandlogic.com/.
One of my favorite resources from Logic and Logic is Guiding Children to Solve their Own Problems (https://www.loveandlogic.com/a/info/guiding-children-to-solve-their-own-problems). This strategy can be used when your child is reluctant to begin or try a task or to solve a problem.
During Distance Learning, if your child responds with “I don’t know how to do this” or “This is too hard,” you can try these Love and Logic steps:
Love and Logic Step 1: Empathy (The key here is to show concern, but keep it short.)
- I’m sorry you are feeling that way. I know this can be hard.
- I bet it’s tough having to learn from home.
Love and Logic Step 2: Send a Power Message
- What do you think you are going to do?
Love and Logic Step 3: Offer Choices
- "Would you like to hear what other kids have tried?"
- At this point, offer a variety of choices that range from bad to good. It's usually best to start out with the poor choices.
- Some people might complete the part of the task they understand and then ask for help.
- Some students might send a message to their teacher on Seesaw or Google Classroom and ask for help.
- Some students might just not turn in a response.
- Some students might call a friend and ask them for help.
- For Distance Learning, some options could be:
- Each time a choice is offered, go on to step four, forcing the youngster to state the consequence in his/her own words. This means that you will be going back and forth between Love and Logic steps three and four.
Love and Logic Step 4: Have the child state the consequences (both positive and negative).
- “And how do you think that will that work?”
Love and Logic Step Five: Give permission for the child to either solve the problem or not solve the problem.
- "Good luck. I hope it works out."
- “Sounds good. I can’t wait to hear how that turns out for you.”
- Have no fear. If the child is fortunate enough to make a poor choice, he/she may have a double learning lesson.
(From Guiding Children to Solve their Own Problems (https://www.loveandlogic.com/a/info/guiding-children-to-solve-their-own-problems)
In addition, here is a Love and Logic video of how to respond to your child when they answer with “I don’t know”: Love and Logic Blog - How to handle “I don’t know”
We know you, as a parent, are doing the best you can in this unique, ever-changing situation. We appreciate all your efforts. Please continue to reach out to us for support as we continue in this very new territory for all. We will get through this together.
Matthew Frumovitz, Principal